I was hoping to be surrounded by beautiful European style historic buildings and cafes as I walked out of my flat but that was not the case. The neighborhood was simply “blah,” nothing to rave about. I was a bit bummed.
After walking for 15-20 mins, I ended up in a neighborhood that was more lively with outdoor cafes and beautiful buildings. That was kinda my scene. I wanted to grab a seat in the sun at one of the cafes but the smokers deterred me from doing that. So, I grabbed a seat inside and, ordered a cup of hot chocolate with Apfelkuchen.
I wondered what will happen to me if I keep on eating these yummy treats everyday. So, I googled fitness centers near the apartment I was staying at. Sadly, there were none. I was able to find few gyms but they were 10 mins train ride or 30 mins walk away. I prepared a list to check them out.
As I looked around the cafe, it was a couple holding hands and having some deep conversation. The other table had couple of friends laughing out loud. The another table had a couple with their little kid. Another one had a couple, most likely on a date. Then, it was mir (me). All by myself in my own company. Hmmm. No friends to have laughs with. No relationship to build upon.
As I was walking back to my apartment, I have to admit, I did feel alone. When you don’t know anyone in a foreign country, it can feel super lonely. Seeing all those lovely couple around me in the cafe, made me realize that how easy it is to be anywhere in the world when you have a partner. And, here, I had no prospects yet in my life. A bit frustrated, I asked myself – What the fuck am I doing here? Why am I on this journey?
As I was contemplating these questions in my mind, I noticed a small park across the street, so I decided to just go inside, take a seat and get connected with nature. I closed my eyes and started doing Pranayama for few minutes.
Later, an elderly man joined me on the bench. I replied his Hallo with Hello, How are you? To explicitly indicate that I didn’t speak Deutsche. Ahh, he said, You English. To which I responded, Nein, from America. What I did learn from our brief conversation was, he has been living in Berlin for 12 years now. He doesn’t find the city beautiful at all but it’s the people and culture here, that has made him stay here. Then he left and continued his leisurely walk.
His comments made me realize that I should give this city until the end of this month before coming to any conclusion. Universe has a bigger picture in mind for me and I should go with that flow. So far, it has directed me on the right path of learning, gratitude, unconditional love, and family relationships. I just have to have faith in the Universe and myself.
I reached out to couple of my friends and they all wanted me to continue on doing this joyful journey and not give up. They made me realize that it’s human to have doubtful moments in life and, that, they are just a phone call away. I did get some good pointers from my friend Kathleen about looking up upcoming meetups in Berlin so I can make new friends with similar interests.
It was only Day 3 in Berlin but being on the road for the past three and a half month can definitely take an emotional toll on you. Moving to a new place and getting adjusted does take time. I just had to find a regular rhythm again. Also, once my intensive German language course begins things will just fall in place.
My emotions taught me a lot today. I like to live in an area with beautiful architecture, nature and easily accessible cafe lifestyle. I like lively environment with people around me but not too chaotic. I’ll always have doubts in my life but during those low moments talking with a friend can help me turn those doubts into opportunities. I have to be doing something to keep myself busy whether it’s learning something new or improving my current skills. I just can’t stay idle.
And the irony is that the Universe sends me the sign – “We ❤️ Berlin!”
